To start – I have an amazing life. I surround myself with incredible friends and am very blessed in so many ways, and I know that. BUT sometimes I get down, and this week has one of those times.
No, I don’t post pictures of shitty things happening to me on Instagram because that’s not how I want to be portrayed. I want my online life to bring me and my followers joy, but I’ll be the first one to talk about the shittier things that happen in my life. Trust me, I’m quite open and honest when people care to chat.
Just over a year ago, I started taking some medicine. I had been feeling utterly lonely and just sad. My anxiety was at an all time high while my emotions were hitting all time lows. You know what the really sad thing is? It had been building for years. I talked to my wonderful doctor, and after telling her more than she likely needed to ever know, she prescribed me a medicine. For the past year, I have felt more like ‘myself’ than I have in many, many years. I want to talk about this because one of the reasons it took me so long – too long – to come to terms with the fact that there was truly something off; was just that – I had to come to terms with it. Like there was something wrong with me when in reality, something that was traumatic to me triggered my chemicals to get all out of whack, and it just perpetually didn’t get better.
I try my best to talk openly about my experience because, thankfully, it hasn’t been severe. I’m on a low dosage, and I never struggled with suicidal thoughts. But you know what? I wasn’t happy. I was in a dark place a lot of times, and having grown up performing, I’m damn good at making everyone think everything is fine. I am an accommodating person, so I don’t want to burden people with my problems or any sort of negativity. But all that did was make me put off solving a problem and keep me from being as happy as I should be.
That brings us to this week. Although I’m typically feeling very balanced and good, this week has just been crappy. From hanging out with people who decided to continually bring up my ex to not being diligent about my workouts to stress at work, this week has got me down. Writing about it helps, my gigs this weekend will help, too. But the thing that is going to help the most – other than my sweet angel puppy – is realigning my thoughts and recognizing all the good that is in my life. So, I want this post to serve two purposes: 1. If you feel there is something off about the way you’re feeling, talk to someone – your therapist, your doctor, your mom. Really look deep into what might be going on, and just don’t be afraid or embarrassed to talk to someone about it. 2. If you’re feeling down or overwhelmed by things going on in your life, take a few slow, deep breaths, and think about all the good that is happening – there is more than we know.